my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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