mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
They have beer where we have blood.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
