This is not my ceiling
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Alive.
So much puke
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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