How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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