i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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