i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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