Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
