I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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