So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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