dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
