I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
