I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
