i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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