You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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