Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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