i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
