she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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