the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
