Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize
