I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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