Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
