I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
