i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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