So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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