the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
