i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
