i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
