He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
