They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
