she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
