I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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