You smell like stripper and shame
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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