I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
