i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
