you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
