there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
