he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
