Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
