It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
