I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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