I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
