hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
