My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
