Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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