My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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