I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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