Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
