Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize