look no pants
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
