Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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