apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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