he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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