i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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