A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
