haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
