I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
high people should be assigned attendants
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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