So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
