Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
