So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
