Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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