I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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